What’s up with fat-shaming? Does it make you feel better as a person?
I’ve been struggling with weight for the most part of my life. My parents did not allow me to participate in any sports activities, even when I was obsessed with the artistic gymnast, Bea Lucero. It was my dream to be one too, but they preferred that I take piano and voice lessons. My being an inactive kid lead to my rapid weight gain in my preteen to early teen years.
I remember weighing 175 pounds at 15 and have been constantly bullied about it. But due to high school military training every Saturday in senior year, I shed some of the baby fat. I was able to reach my ideal weight when I turned 19 and thankfully, was able to maintain it.
I gave birth to The Little Lady in 2009, I was 24. I did gain weight again but was able to lose it a couple of years after. By 2013, I was diagnosed with having a polycystic ovary syndrome, a chronic condition with no cure and unfortunately, my symptoms include weight gain, irregular periods, and moodiness.
The biggest mistake I ever made was not taking care of myself. I simply shrugged it off; I didn’t return to my OB-GYN after that because honestly, those cysts scared the hell out of me. The result? I was a full 200-pound momma at 33.
Mister Layam and I started trying to conceive in 2017, but we were unsuccessful. I knew the reason why and continued to ignore it until I finally had the courage to have my lady parts and organs checked. A year after we started trying, I found out that both of my ovaries now are polycystic, hence the several months of missed periods and rapid weight gain even when I exercised and ate right.
Good thing I found a doctor who understood this chronic condition. She prescribed meds and told me to continue with the exercise and a low carb diet. Believe it or not, I lost 20-30 pounds in five months, and the best part is, both of my ovaries are now clear.
So what is my point?
Honestly, it still hurts a bit when people make comments about my weight. Did I want to be this huge? Did I want to have cysts in my ovaries? Did I want to have difficulties with conceiving?? Having PCOS is a fucking struggle, and many people, especially Filipinos, are ignorant about it. They are so insensitive about other people’s appearance. I couldn’t happily reminisce with old photos and share them on Facebook without someone telling me to get my old body back.
Sadly, fat-shaming has become part of the Pinoy culture. I know this rant of a post won’t change how Filipinos react to someone gaining weight, but I hope they’d be more sensitive with others’ feelings.
Before making hurtful comments, try to think about the struggles they might be enduring. That’s all.
Our much-needed vacation that was almost cancelled.
August 4 marked our ten years together, yay! As a celebration, we took a three-day vacation. I booked a room at Court Meridian Hotel & Suites via Agoda last January because rates are lower when you book really early. I chose Subic so we could take Lucious and it won’t be such a far drive. I also already made a detailed itinerary (I’m good with this stuff) even if it was seven months away because I’m extra like that haha!
When June came, my dad got sick and my Jimmy Boy got ran over by The Little Lady’s school bus. These events made me hesitant about going through with the plans. The budget was affected and of course, the excitement kinda died down. But after mulling it over with Mister Layam for about a couple of weeks, we decided to go ahead with the vacation. He also didn’t want my preparation efforts to go down the drain.
I’m so glad we did.
And before I get even more ‘talkative,’ here are our pictures from the trip!
So there you have it! We will definitely go back, and we’ll bring The Little Lady along next time. Court Meridian Hotel is child/family-friendly so it’s highly recommended to parents with little kids. It’s also perfect for sleep-deprived people because the bed is so comfy and the AC’s noiseless!
I’m turning 32 in a week and rethinking about my choices in life.
Kidding. That subtitle is just too serious. But yes, I’ll be adding another year in my life on June 3rd so I thought about reviewing my life in general.
Let’s see. I’m married, check. I have an offspring, check. I got a stable job and happy with it, check. We own a house, check. We got a car, check. So what else is missing? Hmmmm…
*after three minutes*
I have finally decided that yes, I want another kid (if Mister Layam gets to read this, he’ll be jumping in utter delight). Why? Well, I am curious to see what a male me would look like. We’re planning to have a baby boy and as I have said, I’ll do everything it takes to conceive one. He has to have my curly hair and large eyes. As for the finances, I guess we can make it work. Both of us have stable jobs and get paid well enough. It is pretty exciting when I think about it! So Mister Layam, yes, I agree to making one. Haha!
I also plan to get fitter and lead a healthier lifestyle. I gained soooo much weight in the past couple of years because, who doesn’t love to eat delicious food?? I have sometimes got a bit broke because of buying too much food, and even if I wasn’t too hungry. And the worst part is, my favorite clothes don’t fit anymore! So yeah, I’ll be starting to eat less and live an active lifestyle.
I want to own a business. It has always been our plan to have one but time and funds don’t permit. Having a business is a financial backup in case we both get laid off (I hope not, though). And if our business becomes really successful, we could leave our jobs and manage it full time (I’m so happy at work I don’t want to leave just yet). Wouldn’t it be nice to be your own boss and manage your own time?
I want to invest in a condo unit in the city. This or the business, either way, they’re great investments. I could have the unit rented and The Little Lady could stay there when she’s finally in college. It’s always nice to know that you own another home where you can crash to after a gig or when the traffic’s really heavy.
So, is age really just a number? My answer is yes. It’s the choices that matter. You may be fifty but you can look younger if you are happier with your life. I might go YOLO with my decisions too before it gets too late and take more risks if my gut approves.
Enjoy the rest of the week, guys! 🙂
My stance on jealousy and other coped up feelings haha
I would be a hypocrite if I said I have never been in my life been a jealous girlfriend, wife, or friend. I have had those minor fits (minor because I am generally not a jealous partner) but at my age, I have less and less felt that way. I guess maturity does play a significant role with jealousy. And yes, I have learned to feel less insecure about myself too.
If you were like my previous self, let me tell you something. Chill, just chill. I have realized that being too jealous and overprotective of your partner will make you the Queen of Insecurities exuding bad vibes all over the place. And guys, that is not good. Friends will stay away from you and you automatically enlist yourself in the Toxic People Club.
I have known people who, unfortunately, belong to the club. And because I can be too observant at times, I was able to mentally list three “rules” they all want their partners to follow. I used a girl as the jealous person in my examples, but these can apply the other way around or with gay couples.
“You can’t take photos with another girl, even in a group picture.”
Like WTF, seriously? It’s a harmless photo. Were they having sex while the picture was taken? Were they groping each other? Unless they look like they’re doing something off in the photo, you know, like having a steamy make-out session then yes, you absolutely have the right to transform into the green-eyed monster.
“Who is this girl and why is she sending you a message/calling you?”
What if it’s his cousin? What if it’s his lady boss asking for work-related stuff? Even if it isn’t a relative, you can’t just get jealous when a girl his texting him, especially if the message is so not suspicious. If the message goes, “Hey handsome, let’s meet up tonight,” or calls your guy at 3 AM in the morning because she wants to “open up,” then you can go and slap your partner right then and there. Kidding. Ask him calmly and investigate before going full-on beast mode.
“You cannot sit next to any girl in the bus, train, jeep, or office.”
LOL. Come on, now honey. This is not possible unless there’s a separate transportation vehicle or workplace for every gender. Are you studying in a Catholic school in the 40s? Sorry, this really makes me laugh my head off! HA HA HA HA
BUT! Yes, there is definitely a but. I believe that there’s a “proper jealousy” where a person needs to feel that way. Otherwise, you have no care for your partner anymore. Wait, that didn’t sound clear. Let me give you an example then. It is TOTALLY FINE to feel jealous IF a girl is flirting with your partner and you have HARD EVIDENCE that she is totally into him. Yes, you trust your partner, but you absolutely cannot trust the girl.
So what are going to do about it? Simple. You don’t go full on beast mode right away, my dear. You have to observe her actions and your guy’s first. If that keeps on happening, and he entertains her, talk to your partner. Let him know that it is not okay. He could just be so gullible or simply stupid that he doesn’t know that the girl is already flirting with him. Yes, some men can be like that! Remember, communication is key.
So again, be jealous only when you need to. Otherwise, you are an immature piece of dirt that belong to the infamous Toxic People Club, ugh!
Poor eyesight sucks.
Mister Layam and The Little Lady suprised me with a hearty breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day. It had chargrilled tomatoes, crispy chicken nuggets, ham sausage, scrambled eggs, and burnt bread with butter. Yum, right? Extra points for the burnt tomatoes and bread because I love burnt food! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to actually enjoy it in bed. Why? I just couldn’t see a damn thing.
As I have told you guys before, I have really poor eyesight. I blame genetics for it and maybe lack of eye care on my side. It’s been more or less a decade since my last checkup with an ophthalmologist. I buy negative 1000 or 1500 grade contacts, gosh I couldn’t remember haha. I broke my eyeglasses years ago and I didn’t bother buying a new one. With all that said, I had to get up and put on those contacts so I could see the world.
And because it was such a hot summer night, I was sweating all over. The icky feeling was unbearable so I just had to take a shower first. There is also that unwritten rule which states eating in the bedroom is forbidden. In the end, I ate the “breakfast in bed surprise” downstairs at the dining room.
While I truly and sincerely appreciate Mister Layam’s and The Little Lady’s sweet gesture, it makes me sad that I couldn’t enjoy it right then. I guess it’s time to get me a piggy bank to save up for a bank breaking, pocket burning lasik eye surgery which costs 140k pesos for both eyes (I had already inquired at Shinagawa), or at least an eye checkup and a pair of eyeglasses LOL.
A debate in my head which I cannot keep to myself anymore.
I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook’s On This Day feature. It’s nice to see stuff I posted three years ago, seven years ago, including those photos of me tens of pounds lighter haha. But what makes me sad are The Little Lady’s baby photos and videos. I still cannot believe that in a few years she’ll be a tweenie, in half a decade, a teenager, then finally, a lady.I miss her months-old self just lying on the bed, cooing and crying, trying to talk, trying to say, “Mommy.”
So that brings me to the debate I have in my head right now. Would an eight-year-old adjust well to having a baby brother (or sister)? I have, at the moment, the “one child is fine” state of mind. I know a lot of people who do not have any siblings that grew up fine. I did want to have another kid, but I guess I changed my mind. My reasons:
1. Financial – Yuh. Hohohospital bills y’all. Man, diapers and milk cost like gold eight years ago, what more now. Baby clothes cost a damn lot too, and babies grow so fast they won’t fit in them after a week. Don’t forget about regular pedia checkups which burn holes in the pocket. What we spend for The Little Lady now is going to get doubled. How can I save up for another pair of Doc Martens, for some cute dresses, for pretty Cath Kidston bags? Yes, I am selfish.
2. Precious me time – Oh yes. I do love spending time with The Little Lady, heck, I’d rather stay at home and be with her, but there are times when I just wanted to be alone. I work as a writer and a social media specialist (I Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and LinkedIn all day like a boss). I also proofread content. My brain tends to get overworked. I want me some alone time. If a baby comes along, bye bye alone time.
3. Nanny – Should we get another one? Should my mom look after the baby while Mister Layam and I work? Yaya’s too old and has little experience to look after a newborn. She’s great with toddlers and school kids, though. Should I bring the baby to work every day? Wouldn’t The Little Lady get jealous? If we get a nanny, where will she sleep? In The Little Lady’s room? At the attic? Yeap, the Missus, tends to overthink. But I know you feel me, fam.
4. My #beachbody – Of course, I’m kidding. What I wanted to say was, I am overweight now, so for sure, I’ll be over the fence, over the moon overweight after giving birth. Nuff said.
5. PAIN – CHILDBIRTH IS FREAKING PAINFUL. I am saying it like you don’t know that LOL. While pregnant, my back hurt. FYI, pain, as with all other feelings, intensifies when pregnant. While giving birth, my belly and pelvic area hurt. My precious va-jay-jay was cut then stitched up after giving birth. The removal of the catheter made me want to punch the nurse, but I was just too tired then. Lactating hurt, it felt like my girls were going to explode. Being too emotional hurts too. So yeah, everything hurt.
Don’t worry, I am not a merciless, baby-hating creature. I do have pros in mind too:
1. A baby boy that looks like me – As you can see in the photos, The Little Lady is the spitting image of Mister Layam. If I did agree with him on having a new baby, we would make sure that it comes out with a penis. I will try all methods known to man to get a baby boy. And he will have to look like me. I don’t know how to do that, but I hope he does.
2. A cute little human at home – I have always loved babies, I have a soft spot for them. Having one at home is just going to be really delightful. He’ll be my stress reliever, and he’ll make Mommy laugh when he gets scared of his own farts or burps. Cute aggression!!!
3. The Little Lady’s number one fan – The thought of this makes my heart melt. The Little Lady will defend him, and he’ll think of her as his hero. Well, that is if they get along.
4. We won’t feel too alone if The Little Lady’s gone for college – We won’t be having the empty nest syndrome in ten years haha. Actually, I am not sure if this is a pro or a con LOL.
5. The Little Lady would learn how to be more responsible – There are benefits to having a younger sibling. You’ll learn to be more responsible, learn to share, be more forgiving, and be more mature. It would be nice if The Little Lady does become a better person when she finally gets a baby brother.
So there, I just let those thoughts bugging me for weeks now out there for all you internet people. This is a big decision, and I want to think it through before getting it on, wink wink. I’m pretty sure I am not the only mom feeling this way.
If there is anyone out there who can hear me… HELP.
(Posted this via the app, hope it looks fine at the desktop version.)
The Little Lady has been asking for a dreamcatcher for months, and we couldn’t find a shop that sells one. Last July, I decided that it would be a great birthday present for her. I made it a mission to find someone who can make a dream catcher decor inspired by Disney’s Frozen.
I searched for an online shop, and I came across Dreamcatcher’s Charm Shop. The owner is based in Zamboanga City, south of the country. Their creations were so gorgeous that I quickly sent them a message.
The lead time was one to two weeks, so my inquiry was just in time. The package arrived on August 8, but I wasn’t in the office to receive it. I got it the next day, and I was in awe. The dream catcher was just as I wanted it to be! I also got a free dreamcatcher keychain!
We hung it in The Little Lady’s room on the eve of her birthday. Mister Layam stood on my piano stool while she was sound asleep. Boy, was she ecstatic when she woke up the next day!
Thanks, Dreamcatcher’s Charm Shop! You made all of us happy 🙂